Doing Something for Me
My wife and I were watching The Breakfast Club recently (Master Pancake edition.) There’s a scene where the kids are talking about their problems and the jock admits his issue is that he can’t think for himself. I can relate in a way - one of my problems is that I tend to be a people pleaser. Too often I find myself putting other peoples’ wishes over my own happiness or satisfaction.
When I got into photography years back, I would post images on various platforms looking for “likes.” No matter how good I though an image was initially, a single negative comment or lack of anyone hitting the “like” button surely meant it sucked. Rather than staying true to what I wanted to do, I’d end up taking the kind of pictures that other people seemed to like.
I did the same thing when I was actively blogging. I could feel great about writing something that I put my heart into, only to feel dejected if nobody else appeared to share my enthusiasm or, worse, left a horrible comment. Eventually I quit writing for a long time.
Recently I got into synthesizers and I debated whether to share anything I record. I’ve been loving learning something new and I didn’t want to ruin it by falling back on toxic old habits and false beliefs. Since I do enjoy sharing things I learn, I decided to post my recordings here on Substack. This time is going to be different though and I’ve laid out some ground rules.
It’s not about “likes.”
It’s not about how many people listen.
Constructive comments are welcome - crappy ones will be summarily deleted and forgotten.
It’s about me. If someone doesn’t like something - no sweat. I will not try to please anyone with my music, other than myself.
It’s gonna be fun - if it’s not, I’m doing it wrong.
Yesterday I was talking to one of my best friends about this musical experience. I’ve been around music for many years and played drums in lots of bands. At the start of the pandemic, I started learning bass. In all of my years of playing music, I never felt very creative or like much of a musician for that matter. Before, I was always playing music someone else wrote or coming up with parts to accompany someone else’s songs. For the first time in my life, it feels like I’m doing something truly creative with music.
I’ve learned a lot through people who share generously on the Internet. The sharing of my words, images, and music is my way of giving something back. Hopefully you find something you like or maybe get inspired to do something yourself. I’ll be sharing regardless, because in the end it’s not for you. It’s for me.